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Law Student Legalease

FYI, law students = biggest bullshitters around (you can exclude me out of that wayward equation though :D)

Examples:

(1)  “I have an interview with a HUGE firm. They called me like the next day after I sent my resume and I don’t even really want the job”

Translation: I have never heard of this firm until I Googled them, but they were the 10th hit down the page. They’re located about 3 blocks from an actual intersection that I’ve only just heard of. I don’t even know what type of law they practice.

Reply: That’s AWESOME! Good for you! I’m glad you got that opportunity, sounds…AWESOME. Good luck!

– Transalation: “huge firm” eh? What, are they next to a Starbucks AND a Second Cup?  Sure, why would you want the job, after all the economy these days is booming, people are literally knocking on your door to have you come take the surplus of opportunities that are out there. Nope, no need, reject that huge firm and tell them to go stick it in a Tim Hortons.

(2) “I’m writing a 10,000 word paper on “Chinese walls and corporate malfeasance” on my own time, in between my other classes and work. I’m getting it published in the next Law Review. A professor at Northwestern told me he’ll submit it to their law review and maybe even a journal or two”

Translation: All my friends graduated and left semester and my course load is easier than downing 5 cups of coffee in an hour so I have too much time on my hands and want to have people ask me why I’m always in the library surrounded by books and journals. I got the contact for the professor at Northwestern from the university website. I really just got a one-liner reply from him (which was possibly an automated reply…).

(3) “I’m enjoying it here so much that I thought I’d stay a couple extra semesters and take more electives and really find out what I want to get into in the future”

Translation: I failed too many classes because I was either: (a) drunk most of the past few semesters and failed, (b) on the beach most of the semesters and failed, (c) drunk on the beach, (d) walked into the wrong exam at the end of the last semester and had no excuse, so failed.

(4) “Oh yeah, those notes, I have them, sure…. um…ahhhhhh! Damnit, I just realized they’re on my hard drive at home. Damn! Can I email them to you? Sure, I know you need them asap so I’ll do it right when I get home”

Translation: I do not want to give you my notes. They’re not on my hard drive, I’m looking at them right now. You lazy, beach-going, drunk, stupid leecher. I’ve “lost” your email and will hide from you the rest of the next couple weeks before exams.

Reply: Cool, thanks a lot!

Translation: SWEEEEEEEETTTT, I am so set for this exam. I’m going to the beach.

(5) “That course? Yeah…it’s good. Yeah, pretty good. The prof is great. How did I do in it? Well, he doesn’t mark that easily, the question for the paper was sort of unfair – meant for Master’s students really. He’s a good prof though. Really. But…maybe you want to wait until next semester until someone else is teaching it though. But really, great prof”

Translation: DONOTTAKETHATCOURSEWHATEVRYOUDO. YOU WILL FAIL. WE ALL FAILED. THOSE WHO DID NOT FAIL PAID HIM OFF OR IT’S A MISTAKE AND THEY WILL FAIL BECAUSE HE’S JUST TOYING WITH THEM. But, he is a good prof.

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4 Responses

  1. lol, you so could be writing about my MBA program haha particularly the one about notes!

  2. hahahhaha! now i have to go google “malfeasance” to see if its a real word…

  3. haha..the notes one dates back to highschool even. Good to know its still alive in Law School.

  4. Oh my you updated-twice hehe 😀

    Wow so only 21 more days..well actually 19 or 18 now right? Time really flies!

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